The central message of the Four Accords is that using the wisdom of the agreements breaks the often harmful social rules that ultimately shape our thinking and prevent us from finding ourselves. In a marriage, assumptions make us feel judged and can keep us in a victim role (not really an attractive quality in a partner). It`s easy to think that you know your partner`s motivations and that you think they understand yours. Before you answer, ask. Find their point of view. And then listen. The worst thing about the assumptions is that they prevent us from really listening to our partners. It`s amazing how your attitude can change by leaving assumptions and becoming open to possibilities. The number one chord is easier when there`s the number one and the second: “Don`t make assumptions.” Assumptions are often a short way to sort things out quickly. Whenever you do, you will be invested in the belief that hypothesis is the truth.
Their ability to think critically is limited. With critical thinking, tolerance of insecurity makes it possible to gather more information, probably relevant. The risk of an assumption in your relationship is that one partner just thinks that the other partner knows what we`re thinking. The rejection of the hypothesis denies the negative effects of misunderstandings. The danger of accepting into a couple`s relationship eliminates the risk of hearing your partner say that “you should have known” and his intrinsic accusation. Consider the positive effect of the first three chords: you are in an intimate relationship with someone who, by his word, is beyond reproach. They don`t take anything personally and make no assumptions. There is another agreement. It is the one that allows the first three to be deeply rooted. The final agreement is what needs to be done to internalize the first three: “Always do your best.” Accord number four deals with the quality of your efforts within marriage. Your marriage certainly deserves the effort to “do your best.” Life is full of uncertainties, but doing your best offers the best chance of success and will free you from your regrets if fate is not friendly. What is the price of our relationship if we are less than honest or more to the point where we do not respect the four agreements? The synergy model of couple therapy is the remedy for a marriage that has become apathy or boredom.
The search for the truth in couples therapy will likely be disturbing and reveal the unexpected. New fields of discourse should emerge in the short term. Distress and unusual levels of emotions will likely occur as well. However, admonition of the four chords associated with the Synergy model, which is done in a respectful atmosphere, will likely give the marriage a new vitality that is often lacking in a marriage that focuses on not making waves.